A look at the least important things in life

No Internet For You!

If you ever want to feel cut off from civilization, just go without internet at home for a few days.

I knew this was coming. When we started the move, I knew there would be a short period where I would be inconvenienced as far as my web coverage went. I did not know it would be nearly a week before the situation would be rectified.

The panic hit me when I got home on Friday. Since we were moving, I had returned all our internet stuff to Comcast that morning and was faced with a Friday evening minus internet, cable or fun since packing last-minute items would keep me in the apartment most of the evening.

As you might assume, I was quite lost.

No internet? Okay, don’t panic. This is just like one of those wilderness shows on Discovery. How would the ancients have handled this? First things first, build a fire and find water. Establish your base before you go hunt. OH SHIT IT’S A BEAR!!!! Oh, never mind just the couch.

Now, I’m not so young that I can’t remember a time without high-speed wireless internet. My family didn’t get internet of any kind at our house consistently until I was 16. Before then, we learned the day’s information either from television or an antiquated device we called a ‘newspaper’. If I remember correctly, it was delivered by two Indians driving a covered wagon.

Still, I’ve become accustomed to traveling the information superhighway at all times of the day and that’s the way I like it. Some might like a break from the hustle and bustle of the technology that pervades our day-to-day lives; I say let them go to a dentist that doesn’t use anesthesia and travel cross country on a Conestoga wagon.

For those scoring at home, yes that is two wagon references in one blog. I may go back for a third.

Sure, we can all use our phones now for basically everything. But it’s much harder to e-mail hilarious Garfield jokes to pen-pals in Malaysia that way! And really, what are you more content with: the iPhone’s Facebook app or actual Facebook? Wait, don’t answer that if you’re a shareholder.

I can use the internet at work and that’s nice; unfortunately, they expect you to do work-related things then. No matter how I plead, trying to purchase Braves tickets doesn’t count as work-related.

Anyway, AT&T appears to like to dick with people in a manner similar to Comcast, so I’m ringing in my sixth consecutive evening without a conventional line of interwebby communication – although I appreciate the loner on the wireless card Jamie G.

The internet people have replaced the cable guy as the go-to reference for bad service. I’ve been in this house for FIVE DAYS without internet connection! As enjoyable as it’s been to live like a poor person, I need the internet. It’s part of my life blood; way more important than fruits or vegetables. I lived comfortably for four years of college without fruits and vegetables. I wouldn’t have lasted a week without internet.


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